A love letter to the part of you that feels frustrated with your anxiety

(Why anxiety can feel so frustrating, and thoughts on relating to it differently)

Hi there,

Something that comes up frequently in my work is frustration - even anger - at the anxiety we feel in everyday situations. 

“Why can’t I just talk to him?”

“Why can’t I just speak up in meetings?”

“Why can’t I just . . . ?

And even: “Why can’t I just be nicer to myself?”

You might notice how often the word “just” shows up in these thoughts.

It can be a subtle form of pressure, an expectation that you should be able to override what you’re feeling.

Gently experimenting with removing that word can begin to soften long-held patterns of self-criticism. Gentle is a key word here.

What if your nervous system is doing exactly what it is designed to do? 

What if it’s trying to take care of you? 

Often, these responses were shaped in earlier experiences where it didn’t feel safe to fully relax, speak freely, or get it wrong. So your system learned to anticipate, to protect, to step in.

I wonder what would happen if, instead of asking, “Why can’t I just…?” you tried responding to that anxious part of you with something like: 

“I see you, and I understand you’re anxious. Thank you for looking out for me. I’ve got this.”

And I see you. 

This is such hard work — especially when your mind and your nervous system feel misaligned.

I know how frustrating this can feel, and how much it can change.

In the meantime, I offer this beautiful collection of guided self-compassion practices from Dr. Kristin Neff. 

Please take gentle care.

-Melissa