A love letter to the part of you that’s grieving

(Recognizing grief and how to cope when it shows up)

Hi there,

It took me a long time and a lot of earned maturity to understand that grief is always with us. 

Sometimes it’s big, sometimes smaller (but never small).

We may be grieving the loss of a loved one, through death or a break up.

Or the loss of innocence about something.

Grief can also show up as an aching nostalgia, missing a time when we felt more carefree.

Or we might grieve a part of ourselves that no longer fits.

It may also come up for a job we feel bittersweet about leaving, or a job we weren’t ready to leave at all.

Truly, the things we can grieve are limitless.

And sometimes, it helps to look for it in moments when you’re feeling off and don’t quite know why.

Other times, it can hit us in the head like a ton of bricks when we least expect it, or even when we’re bracing for it.

For many people, grief is layered, connected not only to what’s happening now, but to earlier losses that didn’t have space to be felt at the time.

There’s nothing to be done, but to give space and compassion to the feelings that come up.

And if you’re someone whose default mode is to fix or to intellectualize or to throw yourself into your next project (raising my hand!), grief can be a call to slow down.

To breathe into your feelings to give them life and allow them to work their way through your whole system.

And to ask for help when you need it:

To ask a good friend or partner for a hug. 

To call on someone you trust to sit with you. 

And yes, therapy, too, can help with grief.

On the flip side of the pain of grief, it can help to remember that grieving means you have loved and cherished something, that you are living. 

I know how heavy grief can feel—and how quietly it can shape our days.

And I also know it doesn’t have to be carried alone.

Please take gentle care.

–Melissa