A love letter to the part of you that feels anxious speaking up at work

When performance anxiety takes over in meetings

Hi there,

Yes, you. I see you.

You’re in your weekly team meeting, and everyone else has something insightful to say. And they are all so poised. Maybe your boss is there, and they’re intimidating. Or your boss’s boss.

Maybe you rehearse every line before it comes out of your mouth, and by the time you’re ready to speak, the conversation has already moved on.

Maybe your throat goes dry.
Maybe your heart starts racing.
Maybe you can feel the heat rising in your face alongside panic.

This is what anxiety at work can feel like. This is what performance anxiety can look like — especially for people who are otherwise thoughtful, capable, and very good at what they do.

Corporate cultures can be cutthroat. And unforgiving. It can feel like everyone in the room is scrutinizing your every move, every word.

But here’s the thing: There are so many other people who feel this way, too.

They’re just better at hiding it.

Often, the people around you are too busy scrutinizing their own words to pay as much attention to yours as you imagine.

And still, that doesn’t make the feeling go away.

Early in my career, when I stepped into a leadership role, a well-meaning person told me, “Never let them see you sweat.”

I remember thinking:
What am I supposed to do with that?
Buy better deodorant?
Will myself to have a slower heart rate?

Because that’s the part people don’t talk about: this isn’t just in your head.

This is your nervous system doing its job and trying to protect you in a moment it perceives as high-stakes.

And when your nervous system is activated like that, access to your words, your clarity, even your confidence can temporarily go offline.

So the answer isn’t just to “be more confident,” or to find the perfect thing to say.

It’s to gently teach your system that you’re safe enough to stay present.

There are ways to do this.

Some are in-the-moment tools that can help your body settle when anxiety spikes.

And some, like EMDR therapy, work a bit deeper, helping to process the experiences and patterns that taught your system to react this way in the first place.

So that over time, speaking up doesn’t feel like something you have to push through.

It just… becomes more accessible.

I know how hard this can feel, and how much it can change.

And you don’t have to keep navigating this alone.

–Melissa